Do you want to hear a story?

Storytime, The First Grade Version: A School Story

The Story:
Alef, who I am now christening with the teacher name of Ms. Echad (the Hebrew word for 'one' and also the numeric equivalent of the number one or the first thing), teaches First Grade and each afternoon she comes home and we all sit together in the living room and she tells us stories about her day.  Having been on the speaking side of this conversation for the past dozen years, it is now very interesting to be on the listening side.  I imagine what it might have been like for Number Seven or Romeo to hear about my days through the lens of my own delight and dismay, to become intimately acquainted with twenty new people every year while never actually meeting them face to face...

So in the past two weeks of school that have comprised this year so far, we have met The One Who Can't Spell and The One With The ADD and The Sociopath, we have met The Girl Twins and The Boy Twins and we have met NOOOO!!!, the most hilarious one of them all so far.

NOOOO!!! is a six-year-old boy, new to the school this year, who really has the deck stacked against him.  With one Israeli parent and one Russian parent, a significantly older sibling, a first language other than English, and a raging case of undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome NOOOO!!! has a lot going on...and, even so, he holds his own much of the time.  A fan of telling Ms. Echad very candidly how he feels about doing things (hence his name), NOOOO!!! was playing Ga-Ga the other day at recess when The Sociopath told him in no uncertain terms that he was out.  The two boys began to argue, but were distracted and cut short by Alef blowing the whistle and recess ending.  All the students were lining up and everyone was getting ready to start using their Inside Voices when suddenly one very Outside Voice could be heard...

"Fucker!  Fucker!  You're a FUCKER!  I was NOT out!  Ms. Echad--The Sociopath's a Fucker!"

The Lesson:
Ms. Echad, who is concerned at times that her self-perceived lack of expertise in the classroom and with students compromises the learning experiences of the children, said what I would as a dozen-year veteran deem the exactly right thing.

"NOOO!!!!, stop yelling.  We do not talk to other people like that at school, and we do not point because it is rude.  Line up please, recess is over."

Collecting New Material: Some School Stories

The Story:
Since I am not teaching school right now, I have not had much to write about here for the past few weeks...or months.  But the great news is that I live with Alef, who DOES teach school (First Grade), and now that we are a few weeks into her year there are starting to be lots of things about which to write, there are beginning to be plenty of stories to tell.

The Lesson:
Not right now because the new year 5768 starts in a matter of hours and I still have some accounting of the soul, and also laundry, to do but in the coming days I will share with you some delightful anecdotes from Alef's class.

Just a preview:

student: "Fucker!  Fucker!  You're a fucker!  Fucker!"

rest of class: (mouths agape, more because of the loud shouting and vigorous finger-pointing than anything)

Alef (who needs a teacher blog name, hmmm...):  "It is time for lunch.  Line up please, everyone."

Less Material: An Un-School Story

The Story:
I have not been telling very many stories at all, lately.

The Lesson:
Without being in school this year I find there is much less material to generate anything that is both even vaguely learning-related and also interesting.  Fortunately Alef has started telling me about things that happen in her classroom so I might channel some of that into a good story or two (want to know what to do at a wedding if you are bored? I learned a few tips from one of her First Graders tonight) sometime soon.